So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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