How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
