There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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