I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
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You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize