Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
