Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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