Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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