If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
