shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
