You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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