i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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