I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize