I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
