Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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