If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
