can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
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I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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