Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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