I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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