I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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