if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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