Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why didn't you poke me back
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I would ride that face into the sunset
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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