And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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