I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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