Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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