I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
