I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
