It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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