I just made out with a guy for $7.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
