My brain says no but my pants say off.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
