If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
