We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
