you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
