did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
