she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
