So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
3pm strippers are depressing
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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