There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
