Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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