i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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