i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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