and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
