i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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