Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
