real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
