Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
vagina is talking i cant
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
