OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
