Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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