4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
