He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
