so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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