yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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