He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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