Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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