Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
