Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
