No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You're like the curious george of whores
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
