I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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