it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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