i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
