I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
