her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
