Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
