The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
