he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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