we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
