i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
