your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
