we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
