Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
