I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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