I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
