so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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