you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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