I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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