someone get that fucking seahorse.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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